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My Great British Bake Off Showstopper

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So I finally got around to seeing the final of this year’s Great British Bake-Off. With Paul and Mary anointing the coveted title on the final three’s showstoppers – cakes to represent the past year– it got me thinking. What would my cake be?

Would it be getting a ‘proper’ job? Would it be moving? Would it be turning 30 and supposedly becoming proper adult or something? No, of course it wouldn’t – mine would be an accurate and thoughtful representation of the two months this year I spent with chronic cystitis.

As you see from my detailed and laboured drawing across, the cake would heavily compromise chocolate to represent the mountains of it I stuffed in my face to make myself feel better; the blue and yellow freckles represent the three types of antibiotics which I had to take for the condition (all of which useless) and the dusting of white refers to the copious amounts of Oasis (not the drink but the Canesten Oasis sachets) which I had to down at several intervals throughout the day to take the edge off feeling a dragon had taken up residency inside and woke up intermittently when I needed to wee). The crowning glory on top is a cranberry fountain (please note that although a great deal of cranberry juice was consumed during this time, and to make this an accurate reflection of those eight weeks, the fountain will only emit short and painful bursts).

Eat up Mary and Paul, eat up!


Written by because140charactersisnotenough

October 21, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Posted in Observations, TV

Predictions for 2012: TV

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Like some kind of bloody Mystic Meg, here are my TV predictions for 2012. Please don’t burn me as a witch when they all come true

In the US –

After recycling plotlines and yet more changes in the writing staff, NBC will cancel The Office.

NBC will also consider cancelling 30 Rock and Parks and Recreation, but common sense will eventually prevail for the 2012-13, at least.

Everyone will fall in love with The New Girl because if the first nine episodes are anything to go by, it will continue to be brilliant.


The second series of American Horror Story won’t be as good, so half way through the season they will use the True Blood technique of just making it ultra, ultra-sexy in lieu of any plot.

Alcatraz will be the new The Event (that being everyone will give up on it after four episodes).


There will be yet more supernatural-based dramas for teens – maybe with sexy wizards, warlocks or elves.

A Kardashian channel will be launched – the test card being a picture of Kim’s arse.

There will be a ‘new Friends’ which won’t be a ‘new Friends’.

HBO will make more high quality period dramas, which won’t keep your attention for more than an episode.

Ty Burrell will continue to steal every scene of Modern Family.


In the UK –

Nothing on UK TV will be as unintentionally funny as the first 10 minutes of last year’s Appropriate Adult.

Series two of Friday Night Dinner will be phenomenal.


The new series of Absolutely Fabulous will be embarrassingly bad.

Charlie Brooker/Daniel Maier’s ‘A Touch Of Cloth’ could go either way.

Anna Friel will be brought in to any drama which needs a teary, but beautiful, woman.

After his divorce is finalised, Russell Brand will return to do a ‘proper TV drama’, shown on E4.

Every TV channel will have a ‘Downtown Abbey’.

No one will openly admit to disliking Sherlock, as it might make them look stupid.

Mrs Brown’s Boys will continue to be huge (but not even the greatest of minds will ever know why).

BBC Three will continue to show humourless shit masquerading as comedy.

After Russell Tovey and Aidan Turner have announced they won’t be back, Being Human will be cancelled after a short season four.


There will be more ‘issue-based’ drama on every channel, which will undoubtedly be rubbish.

Big Brother and Celebrity Big Brother will knock millions off the Nation’s collective IQ points.

Everyone from The Only Way is Essex will grow ‘too big’ for the show and will have their own spin-off series on Channel 5, DVDs of which will be available from Poundland in early 2013.

Written by because140charactersisnotenough

January 3, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Posted in TV